mama and her boys

Jerr, How's it going up there big dog? Not a day goes by that I don't think about my comrade in arms...We were supposed to get a spot together eventually. Unfortunately we won't get that opportunity. We didn't know each other for as long as some of your friends, but we met during dark times, and the bond we forged thereafter is something that no one can take away. We have a lot in common. We both came from amazing families, were star athletes and possessed all the intelligence and charisma one would need to be successful in this realm. We were both also missing something. I can't speak for you, but I have a feeling you were like me in that I didn't really know what was missing. For 12 years I burned my life to the ground in cyclical fashion searching for answers. Why did I keep doing this to myself? What we found in drugs was an effective solution to any problem, most importantly a way to quiet the loud dialogue in our heads telling us to self-destruct. We fight 1,000 battles a day in this respect - we can win 999 of them and still lose the war because as you know, it only takes once. We are the prime example of how drugs don't care who we are, where we're from, or what we've accomplished. I know of dozens of families who have lost sons and daughters no different from us; kind, compassionate, accomplished, ambitious. The story is the same every time as families ask themselves "How did this happen? What could we have done?" The answer is nothing. There is nothing our families could have done differently to change the outcome. Although our families will always fault themselves for mistakes they made that lead them to believe it contributed to our disease, the truth is, there is nothing they did wrong. Our families need to let themselves off the hook - they are not to blame. We had a spiritual malady for which we did not have an answer for. We cannot fault ourselves for something we were not conscious of. Only we have the power to change and unfortunately, without being conscious of what is destroying us, it is hard for us to make the necessary changes. We found something that could take away our pain instantly, every time. And, most importantly, it quieted that loud inner voice that was constantly telling us that we weren't enough. Some of the most intelligent people in human history were opioid addicts; Charles Dickens, Marcus Aurelius, Howard Hughes to name a few. I believe they were like us, just trying to quiet a mind too loud. At the end of the day, all we were searching for is peace. We found it in heroin. And when it was taken away from us for too long and our heads got too loud, we knew of only one thing that could relieve us of our pain. It's not on anyone. It's especially not on our parents. I've still never seen anyone love a dog like you love Gus. I'm sure you love Harper Rose just the same. I don't speak to you in past tense because I believe you're still here, among is in a different form. I've had more than my fair share of brushes with death since you left this dimension, and I can't help but think that you helped protect me in those times. I miss seeing you and I love you like a brother. I know you're crushing it in your new realm - you've surely left a lasting influence in this one. Grinding and shining just like you did here. Love, Ryan